The Patriotic Earthling (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
orbitaldiamonds) wrote2009-08-06 03:18 pm
orbitaldiamonds) wrote2009-08-06 03:18 pm
So far, so good.
Yesterday was my first day on the Celexa, and I felt...I dunno, average. No random crying jags, but not a particularly great day. Normal, maybe? (Nah.)
It was a weird feeling. Like there was a forcefield around me, that the usual self-destructive thoughts were bouncing off of. Bouncing off loudly, making their presence known, but still bouncing off. I actually tried to get wibbly, to test the forcefield, and no tears. Damnedest odd thing.
And oddly enough, I'm not sure how I feel about that.
And yes, I know that it's supposed to take a few weeks to a few months for there to be a noticeable difference, so maybe I was just imagining things...but whatever, it was a good day. Even though I've now looked too hard into it, I'm gonna try not to do that too much anymore. (Yeah, good luck with that.)
Early this morning (about 12 hours ago, actually), my keyboard crapped out and I went out to Wal-Mart to get a new one. It was dark out, and raining, and the smoke...it was kinda hard to see to drive, and I couldn't even use my brights because they obscured my vision even further, hitting the rain and the ash and dust that was being brought down and swirling around the ground.
But the dark, the rain, the street lights...it didn't feel like Fairbanks. It didn't even feel like Alaska. It felt like I was back in Florida, maybe on the way from Titusville to Orlando. And I did get a little misty-eyed then. It was quick and it went away. Ordinarily that would have been a crying jag. Then again, I had to concentrate on the road so that could have been a part of it too.
And now I have a new keyboard, with nice buttons that make comforting clickety-clack noises.
And since it's new, if my dad came to visit he could still use it. My keyboard from my very first computer, that I got for Christmas in tenth grade (1999)? It still works, but it's not compatible with the new computer (not to mention it doesn't match), and some of the letters printed on the keys had worn off from years of use. I mean, I only quit using that computer in 2007.
I can has wandering attention span? :P
---
It was a weird feeling. Like there was a forcefield around me, that the usual self-destructive thoughts were bouncing off of. Bouncing off loudly, making their presence known, but still bouncing off. I actually tried to get wibbly, to test the forcefield, and no tears. Damnedest odd thing.
And oddly enough, I'm not sure how I feel about that.
And yes, I know that it's supposed to take a few weeks to a few months for there to be a noticeable difference, so maybe I was just imagining things...but whatever, it was a good day. Even though I've now looked too hard into it, I'm gonna try not to do that too much anymore. (Yeah, good luck with that.)
Early this morning (about 12 hours ago, actually), my keyboard crapped out and I went out to Wal-Mart to get a new one. It was dark out, and raining, and the smoke...it was kinda hard to see to drive, and I couldn't even use my brights because they obscured my vision even further, hitting the rain and the ash and dust that was being brought down and swirling around the ground.
But the dark, the rain, the street lights...it didn't feel like Fairbanks. It didn't even feel like Alaska. It felt like I was back in Florida, maybe on the way from Titusville to Orlando. And I did get a little misty-eyed then. It was quick and it went away. Ordinarily that would have been a crying jag. Then again, I had to concentrate on the road so that could have been a part of it too.
And now I have a new keyboard, with nice buttons that make comforting clickety-clack noises.
And since it's new, if my dad came to visit he could still use it. My keyboard from my very first computer, that I got for Christmas in tenth grade (1999)? It still works, but it's not compatible with the new computer (not to mention it doesn't match), and some of the letters printed on the keys had worn off from years of use. I mean, I only quit using that computer in 2007.
I can has wandering attention span? :P
---
no subject
It was a weird feeling. Like there was a forcefield around me, that the usual self-destructive thoughts were bouncing off of. Bouncing off loudly, making their presence known, but still bouncing off. I actually tried to get wibbly, to test the forcefield, and no tears. Damnedest odd thing.
And oddly enough, I'm not sure how I feel about that.
OMG this is so me on the Zoloft! It's almost like I can't feel anything...I tried to make myself feel anxious to even see if I could, but I really couldn't...but now I just feel blank and empty. It's like I am surrounded by nothingness, I have nothing to say and I don't want to do anything. Its so hard to explain. I just feel there is a nothingness overtaking me.
And I don't know for sure what's better...at least with the anxiety I knew I was alive and feeling. But at the same time, the phsyical symptoms of the anxiety were so unbearable that I certainly don't miss those.
Oh, drugs. lol.
no subject
Oh, drugs indeed. *sigh*